Here is some of my personal work. Please before I really have to say that before you favorite please comment about it or I zap thee
So please enjoy yourself
Months ago an Esau had wielded a rifle in his hand. He had sighed as the dreams had come back to him again. His dreams he had seen a little girl in boys clothing. She had long curly hair and had always had a disheveled look to her face. Always the same thing, “Why won’t you recognize me! I am you. I am here to tell you that I am you.”
Esau remembered in his dreams that he had always denied it, “No. You are not. You are a demon. A demon trying to manipulate me and to change me to what I am not! I am a man! I am who I am! Now go away from me!”
The girl looked at him, this time, her eyes softened to become something that was soft and kind. “You can’t escape me…since you can’t escape what you are, we are going to deal with our situation soon.” Then the dream had ended.
Esau had woken up from the nightmare. He ran to the bathroom and washed his face. He took a breath and said “Damn it. It’s that dream again.” He looked at himself in the window and still seen himself. As he closed his eyes, he then heard a noise ‘peek a boo.' He clenched a fist and turned behind him, “Who is that?” He then looked at him and seen nothing, “Dammit. Must be the residual voices of that nightmare.”
Esau got out of the room and took his rifle. He went to the firing range and took some ammunition with him. His thoughts came to his mind. He wasn’t complaining or anything. Nor did he whine. He said “Damn, why did this thought of some little girl say that she was me come again?” He seemed to be disturbed by this vision this thought.
Esau thought on what the little girl had told him that he was a ‘girl’ inside. A part of this was ‘bullshit’ to him. Another one said that ‘there was truth in it.' Though Esau would never admit to the part that was trying to talk about the honesty in that part of his emotions. Life never been fair to Esau and he was finally okay with that situation.
Esau had a calm smile when he entered the firing range. He always found peace at the range. He put a clip in the chamber. “Time to fire off a round.” With a bang, Esau hit his target. He tried to breathe, the same exercises his master Lee Sun-Sin had taught him.
He tried to focus his strength on his shot. With another shot, it hit in the middle again. Still that dream, that fear he felt. Could he be afraid of the truth? He sighed as he looked down and told to his lord, “Oh Lord. I am scared. Why am I so afraid of this dream?” The scary part to him was that the girl resembled him…or rather Elsa. He sometimes had some urges he had to keep inside. He was taught to be a man that could hold his own all his life. In times of his life. He saw himself as a woman and wanted to indulge himself in the things associated with that gender. He had to suppress such feelings, and he was successful for many years. Then the Toram Mal’s event came.
Esau thought it was a means of evil to make him a wife of a god. Yeah, it was fucked up. But then there was some sort of truth that had awakened within him. Could she face the truth that he or rather she preferred to be Elsa? What would he lose? Would he have lost his family? Or rather everything? No. This is just a thought. But sometimes as he did train as Elsa, it had felt right. There was a certain peace to it all. He sighed, “I guess I feel peace as Elsa, but then it could be the exercises as well.” He had a laugh “It must be just a silly dream. Another silly nightmare.”
He fell back asleep and then another dream came to mind. This time, he dreamt of being Elsa, “The heck? Why am I in my girl form?” She looked around and seen an area of calm colors around her. She looked down and seen she was in a flowing rug dress, “Well I can’t deny that this doesn’t look good.” Elsa sighed as she looked around this area. It was another one of the recurring dreams. The one where she had followed a path to a pool of water in a mesa. “Well let me walk through this place.”
Elsa walked through the place. She knew she was going to walk in the same ranch again and seen the same small girl again. Usually, she would try to run away but this time, she sat down, “It’s you again. Here to scare the living daylights out of me?”
The Small girl shook her head, “No. You know what I want to say. I just see why you can’t accept me. I am the representation of your soul. The side you refuse to understand.” She looked down.
Elsa took a deep look at the girl’s face. She had a pathetic look to her as if she had been trying to tell someone but the person she wanted to say to wouldn’t listen. Then he looked closer and then said “If you are, how do you know that you are not a ghost? That you are not a ghost of some lost long person of the past.”
The Girl smiled and drew the line in the sand, “Well I wish to say I was.” She noticed then that Elsa had a piece of her like glass fell off her face, “But then we are one.” She smiled and in a second the small girl became that of Elsa or rather a more grown up variant. “You need to accept me, Elsa.” She sighed and looked down “Our existence as we are is not a mistake. You…are me.”
Elsa looked at the woman, she was a build of a hero, tall, majestic. There were an energy about her with her curly hair, deep brown eyes, and curves. Elsa then realized something, she looked almost like her mother. “You look like my Shima.'”
The Girl pats Elsa’s back, “Well, of course, we are our mother’s daughter”. She then looked over at the distance and seen a man sitting down.
Elsa asked as she stared at him, “Who is that?”
The Girl smiled as if she had a joyful smile, “Well that is you. Since you ignored me and denied my existence, you could not grow. You avoided your fate and destiny. Have you ever questioned why you didn’t always feel complete? How you always felt like you were alone?”
Elsa gulped and said “No…I…” Elsa didn’t want to say anything. She felt something had shaken her core. She then said, “Wait!”
Then the next moment Elsa or rather Esau wakes up. He was sweating buckets. “What the hell was that about?” He got up and looked in a mirror, he was still himself, still good old’ Esau. He looked at his face, and there was a tear going down his face, “Why am I crying?”.
Esau sighed and wiped away a tear, “Lord help me.” He went to his prayer corner, something that was left of him from his days as an Orthodox Christian. He went over to do his daily prayers to St. George and St. Joan of Arc for protection. He then asked the saints of why he had these dreams and why the one last night the most real. Did it speak the truth or did it tell him lies?
Then there is a quote that is ringing in his mind now. “Dreams are more real than reality itself, they're closer to the self.”
Esau wondered if that girl was his true self. Unlike other times the dream came to him, this one felt so real. So truthful. No matter how honest he must continue his path.
He went to his rifle rack and found his favorite rifle. It was the M-1 Garand. He liked this weapon, light recoil, ammo is available. He liked that it was a numerable of 2, with 2x 2x2 equals 8 and divide that it makes a sacred number. The four sacred directions. “Well then let me get to the training. At least it is my only place of respite.”
Esau still didn’t understand his path, who at his age did? He was a bit down as of late. Sarah Greywolf and Esau had broken up last week. At least they had decided to stay friends. For some reason or another, he was not too sad about the relationship. If he then he wouldn’t, let go. Though he loved Sarah, he found out that he was not in love with her. He had seen her as an older sister. As Elsa, the sentiments did not see any attraction in Sara, but there was still an attachment. Esau cared for her then after he had seen her for the breakup. They haven’t seen each other for a long while. Maybe it was for the best, Esau was 18 years old, she was 24. He never thought it would last.
For now, it was Esau had to go and go on a patrol with his friends. He still remembered that dream. The real dream. He wrote it down in a journal he usually carried with him. About his dreams. After imputing the odd dream, he put the journal in his bag. “Well then…I wonder if it is right.” One side of him still found the dream to be disturbing. Another part of him found that dream comfortable. Something that would embrace the dream “Lord maybe if it were another time.”
Esau with his rifle finally comes into the meeting area. Seems he is early. He sat down and waited and waited. “Damn, where is everyone? I want to get to work!” One thing that never changes is that fact that Esau had never given himself a break. Sometimes he had worked so long and hard it had brought him to near exhaustion. For once Esau laid back on a chair with his Garand at hand “Man…now what?”
A demanding voice then says, “You finally take a rest.” It was Maddie, the woman with flaming red hair with a white stripe and a nuclear heart.
Esau got up and said “Hey, I don’t want to rest. I need to work.” He had a cocky smile “I even got my Garand ready with its smart bullets ready to go.” He winked at Maddie, “It will shock the enemy.”
Maddie crossed her arms and smiled “Well you are sure positive today. But your mission today stands. Also, I need you to go and visit a detective agency in the West End. It is headed by an old friend of mines.”
Esau took his rifle and stood up. He tilted his head looking curious “Oh that seems…normal.”
Maddie then gave him a set of directions, “Well one of my friends Tara Genovese. She is starting up a detective agency in the West End and needs a secretary to begin things out. I hope that you have the proper office skills. She didn’t mind if you bring your Garand. But all she says about that is no firing in the office without her permission.”
Esau nodded “Of course Ms. Maddie. I will be there within an hour.”
Maddie becomes more concerned, “Just be careful. You don’t have a team with you, and as you know, villains will come at any time. I know you say that you are experienced but one wrong move, and I don’t know what I would do if you got hurt.” She put her fists on her side to make sure Esau got the message.
Esau nodded as he then picked up his rifle and grabbed some ammo with him. “Well, Maddie I guess I got a walk.”
Maddie biffed him in the head, “You may be smart, but I swear you can be dumb as all heck.” She patted Esau’s head, “Just take your car. It will look less suspicious and will be shown in a positive light? Is that understood Esau?”
Esau nodded and saluted ‘Rodger!” He walked out with a lot of energy to him. He is finally going to do some work. He sang as he went to his car and set his GPS on his cell phone to an area in Downtown Angel Falls. He reached the “Angel Falls Help Organization”. He looked at it and despite the name it was a help organization called “Helping Every Living Person.”
The shop was targeted for hate crimes and required someone just to watch it over for a day. Esau yawned and knocked the door saying to himself, “Damn if it was just a watch job, I should’ve just gone to bed.”
A door then opens, and a woman appears. She seemed to be an African American woman with confidence about her that you can’t place. Her hair lengthened out with several colored strain of hair. “Well looks like you are going to be the little Young Guardian.” She looked into Esau’s eyes and said “Rather serious aren’t you? Well come in now I need you as my voluntold secretary. I am your supervisor Ms. Kay.”
Esau nodded and saluted, “Alright ma’am I will do anything you need me to do.” He thought ‘Perfect now I am going to be some secretary.’ He entered the door but then a thought came to his head. “There is something…that I want to know,…it’s as if I need to talk to her about something.” He observed the entire room, and it was full of mirrors. So much Esau looked at her eyes “Ma’am…have you taken those Bender Drugs?” Esau wanted to hit herself ‘Damn why do I feel like I said the wrong question.’
Ms. Kay nodded as she reabsorbed herself with her work, “Yeah, I was a user at one time. Though not by choice. Some shit gangsters put a large ass dose of the serum on me. Instead of making me into some trans-gendered gal they longed for they made me into a full on, girl.” She looked at Esau as her eyes had glowed, “I didn’t have a choice on my identity kid. I was kind of thrown in as being a woman kid.” She looked at Esau, “But I accepted the truth that I won’t change back. I am what I am.”
Esau then said “Couldn’t you have just you have got another change or some surgery? I mean It is possible If I am correct?” He was now curious, but something was attracting him to Kay. With Kay for some reason just smiling. “I mean I would try to change back.”
Kay smiled as she heard the young Esau. She then replied “Kid? I should change back?” She sighed “Well I can’t. I wish I could, but I have no choice but to stay like this. I didn’t have a choice on which identity to choose. Not like young folk.” She had a small laugh, “I know you are facing the same thing.”
Esau looked confused but for some reason worried, “What do you mean?”
Kay smiled as she then said “You know the kid I have the power to see the truth. This includes a person’s form. I have these mirrors around me to show the world. But also the actual reality of what they are in their hearts.” She looked at Esau, but her eyes told her a different vision of the young man. “You to me are a confused girl.”
Esau then said, “What do you mean? I am just a young man trying to survive this world.” He sighed as he then said “Yeah, sometimes I thought I was in a woman’s body for a moment. But then the thought had faded away.”
Kay smiled as she seen what was the truth to Esau, “Have you ever thought that you were a woman before you were a man?” Kay had a coy smile as she looked at Esau. To her, she had seen a girl about his height with the curly hair, curvy body and the face of someone of the dead. “I knew your mother and your father. I had told them the truth. I told them what I saw. About the truth about you. They believed me. They respected me.”
Esau looked in the eyes of Kay. Her eyes finally had glowed like they were no more than centers of light. A light that pierced through his eyes and his heart. Esau then said, “I don’t know what type of meta are you…but…” He wanted to say that she was wrong. All she was wrong. For once he was silent. He had nothing to say but then a truth came to his mind, was there…some truth to the words she was saying? Was he in denial?
Kay's eyes softened to a normal hue. She had the eyes of a caring woman “You can tell me anything. I am not here to harm you. I was sent to help you. I know the hell that you are going through. Fighting two identities at once. Don’t put yourself through that hell. It will destroy you. It would break you. I heard the amount of work that you had done and how hard you push yourself. The pain you put yourself that is so severe that you wreck your body and kill yourself every time. You are trying to hide your true self. You are trying to hide…Elsa.” She then came over and patted Esau’s shoulder, “Who are you?”
Esau then said “Elsa…I am Elsa…”
Kay smiled and then hugged ‘her’ “That is a start.”
Later in the Guardians’ Base.
Esau works out again. He remembered what Kay had told her. That…maybe inside he or she was Elsa. The truth was with Elsa. Esau hated but at the same time wanted it. His emotions seem to be in a rut. He then benched a weight that was 300 hundred pounds of total weight. He would go back to his work to forget about Elsa, to forget about himself.
He was a man. He had to be a man for his family. For his siblings and for everyone he had known. As he lifted the weights, he had roared, “Ahhh!” He was going to forget he was going to work harder. So that he could be Esau. So he..or she could be a man. “I am….I am!”
As he began to yell and began to feel his power again. Someone yelled, “A total idiot!”
Esau then felt that he could not hold the 300 pounds of weight anymore. He felt his arms finally collapsing from overwork and exertion. He was finished.
The voice came and said “JUNIPER!”
Esau then was shocked as he became Elsa. The girl. Could he or she finally be herself? She felt the weights come down on her.
A woman with platinum blonde hair and a leotard came picked up the weight as if it were paper. It was Emily or rather Ms. Blitzen “Elsa what the hell are you doing!? Did Esau overwork himself again?” She looked around and seen misplaced weights and the longest time with the treadmill. But on Elsa’s face is exhausted beyond measure.
Elsa then said “I tried to escape the truth I tried to work it away…” She seemed not to be able to move without any pain.”
Emily picked her up, “Damn Elsa what the fuck? You are trying to work yourself to death? Goddamn it!” Emily brought her to the sauna and placed her there. She took off her outfit and sat down in the Sauna. “You know what I don’t give a damn sometimes.” She closed her eyes “Maybe I don’t know you should stay like that it might hurt you a lot of pain. I mean Jesus sometimes you acted more like a girl to me. I don’t me being a whiney bitch that is present between guys and chicks. You are confused.”
Elsa looked over and said to Emily, “What do you mean?”
Emily smiled a bit, “You always seemed to act like you were in the middle. Sometimes I think like a girl and sometimes like a dude. Maybe you have to stay like Elsa for a bit. I mean sometimes you seem to have the most fun like that when you actually chill. When you are Esau, you are always tense like there is always a problem with you. Like…you are always troubled by something.” She looked over to the eyes of Elsa, “Have you ever found out on who you were? I mean you can be honest with me, and I know you already broke up with Sarah. But for now, I need to know if you hide something.”
Elsa looked down and felt her heart beat faster and said “I tried to love Sarah as my only girl. But my eyes fleeted as both men and women. Sometimes I thought as Esau and looked at girls, but to me, Sarah was the most beautiful. But then I thought like Elsa and….I saw cute guys that I wanted. But I felt shame on looking at them. I didn’t want Sarah to be hurt. I just wanted to leave out of fear. I think I just wanted to run away.”
Emily looked up and smiled a bit “Blah, blah, blah you are whining again. Like always. You know what Elsa; I am not the perfect person. I wish I were perfect, and I could do some insane shit as well.” Gone over and hugged Elsa, “But I have some wisdom as well. Something that not everyone recognizes sometimes.” She sighed “I know that I might not be your sister by blood. But by spirit I am…me, and Ellie was worried about you. She and I felt that you needed to spend more time as Elsa and to stop running away from yourself. We feared that you are hurting yourself.”
Elsa was silent and allowed Emily to talk.
Emily sighed a bit, “Well…maybe try to stay like Elsa for a while…like several months. Maybe you can find something about yourself you never knew about yourself. It could help I don’t know. Also, Maddie told me to tell you that you need to rest for 3 weeks. It is a mandatory vacation. You just need to heal your body.”
Elsa nodded for some reason she was okay with that. “Okay…”. She didn’t know why she agreed with all this she should’ve been fighting not being able to do anything.
Emily smirked a bit “You promise that you will do that for me? Will you please?”
Elsa nodded and cried a bit “I will. I promise.” She relaxed and closed her eyes to allow the steam to take her away to a comforting place.
Later Elsa returned to her bedroom alone. She was greeted by her dogs Lina and Song. That were coming over her for their attention. Elsa pets them “Thank you so much, babies. I am glad you…are here for me.” She hugged them a bit and pet them. She cared for them as if they were her own children.
She put a leash on both of them in the indoor gardens of the guardians. She sat down beneath a tree that sometimes she fell asleep under. She often times even contemplated the Bible and the revelations of Christ here. She sometimes forgot that she was an average person. Sometimes it does come back when she tries to bring out her anger in a secluded area.
Elsa looked up and looked up to the heavens. She then said “God, if you are there…I don’t know what to do. I am scared with this formed, but at the same time, it feels right to me. Whatever I wake up as tomorrow I will stay like that to understand why I was chosen to be like that. It’s a promise that…I can at least make.
Elsa closed her eyes for some reason and dozed off to sleep. Whatever happens, after she sleeps with her body will decide if she should stay as a boy or girl for the time being.
The next day Elsa finally had awakened. During this time, she sometimes woke up as a boy and other times a girl. But this time, something felt off. She woke up, and she felt comfortable with it. She had a small smile, “I guess…this is what is chosen for me. I will keep this form for a while. I think for as long as I need".
Name:Sireontip or Sire
Live:Who knows but the life
What I dorawing is my life.
What you draw: I draw Native American, Fantasy, super hero, Girls(any excuse to draw),and Life itself. Aka Anything I want at anytime.
Special Ability: Cause burning and destroying fire or ude my own words.Alter anything in my drawing universe, especially in my comics Mwa Ha Ha Ha!!!!!
Music: anything that is good.
Food: Any food that is good
Native American Tribe: Dine and Tomoke Shoshone
Personal Personal quote: "Don't give up!!!! Stand!!!
Current Residence: within the light
Favourite genre of music: I like evey type, except horrible disco
Favourite style of art: Anime, Manga, Super Heroe and much more
MP3 player of choice: An I-Pod Nano 2007
Favourite cartoon character: Alucard
Personal Quote: Never Stop, Never Backdown